Divorce tragedy

Today I realize bieng put down and told I'm not good enough, even though it hurts, was my co-dependance way of thinking. Simply put I'd rather be mentally abused than lose the comforts I had attachments to becouse outside of that was uncertainty and fear. I'm with someone who values me in every way now and bieng abused, I'm not used to the kindness and generosity of another man. Becouse I was abused in my past and recently w my ex bf/ex roommate, makes me wonder if it's real. Abusive relationships of any kind makes it difficult to let the right one in and that's in part to bieng suspicious that the one who treats us well we think in time are going to do the same thing our past abusers have done. It's very very difficult as I've left my abusive situation and trying to adjust to bieng independant and healthy minded. I myself have a hard time thinking that where I left I miss. This is the way an abuser wants u to think and your mind is pre programmed to do so. Your not sick I'm not sick in this thinking. It's the abuser who makes us this way and your mind bieng controlled by thier way of how they think of you. IT'S NOT U IT'S NOT ME IT'S THE ABUSER!!!!!!!! thier the ones who aren't happy with themselves

Divorce tragedy

Today I went to pack some stuff to move. It was very emotional as I've been uprooted twice and told I had to leave or else. I was told by my roommate that I needed to go to the gym and get a job that I can feel better. For the time bieng I'm almost sure I have a job I applied for and waiting for the background check to clear. I was also told he still wants to have lunch once in awhile and I have to wonder if it's out of guilt or genuineness or me bieng naive. I was told that I was given chances to change in February but I know if it wasn't for his brother things wouldn't have gotten where they have as the brother is going through a divorce and may b bitter or otherwise and wants a piece of the action. Whatever the reason is everything we do to someone else will b rewarded 10 times what they dished out. I'm not hoping for it but it's what life is and predestined for. I feel really sad and depressed not over this person but the fact I give a 100 percent to my ex husband and to this roommate/ex boyfriend and I get kicked in the teeth left to bleed face down in the dirt. I lost my home during marriage I get invited to stay w then my boyfriend/ roommate after his parents bought him a house and paid his way to the status he had now. I wish I had parents and a family that had my back like his w an inheiratance of 6 to 12 million in the sac per child 3 boys. Regular people like me eat dirt and the only one who cares is the one I'm staying w who doesn't judge me and accepts me for who I am. I don't know abt life or y I'm here I wish hard I had done things differently. I feel low bad ugly worthless and unworthy. When will my luck change? 

Divorce trajedy

Today I was asked to leave by my roommate or drastic measures were going to b taken. I'm in the process of finding a job and having e been diligent about it. The story goes I met this guy online in 2012 who at the time I didn't know he was looking for a rebound to take him in and have companionship w me, then we moved to havasu from blythe. As soon as his rich parents helped him buy a house and paid off his truck, he starts a new job where he was home more and decides he wants to explore women on the dating sites. He tells me my bieng overweight and having no ambition and in addition keeps a filthy house (not true) and his favorite quote "we have nothing in common" Yet he tells me in the biggining that he would never cheat and I never had to worry abt him leaving me (lies). He found a chick that looks like his first wife Jennifer with the same body type. Which is barbie doll status. IF U WANTED THAT Y DID U BOTHER WITH ME. The fact that this chick who looks like she does u have to wonder y she would b on there BUYER BEWARE.  Karma is a bitch and true to the fact u get what u give to others or end up 10 times worse bcz of ur actions. I'm fed up I feel miserable bcz there is no compassion w his FAMILY THE MIGHTY MATZDORFFS who I guess have there own agenda and purposes for doing what they do to get where thier going. I can only pray us the victims of such cruelty rise above them and exchange shoes w us ma b they will find compassion when they r left facing an uncertain future whatever that ma b